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Do you have a spending problem?

The prodigal son is a parable mentioned only in the gospel written by Luke. It is Luke chapter 15 verses 11-32. In order to understand what I am writing I would recommend reading this passage from the Bible. I would like to highlight some points from this passage that Jesus spoke here. I am hoping it opens our eyes up in a way that we can learn how to handle relationships better. Yes, this passage is about salvation and a right standing in God. Yes, it is referring to the Jewish nation and the fact that Jesus Christ came to save us all from sin. Yes, it is about a loving Father who will forgive if the wayward child will just return. There are some great practical points though about how we treat each other as well. There is also a common belief about this run away son that is somewhat misunderstood and I’d like to make some clarification about him as well.

Here is the summary a father has two sons. The older son who seems to do what he is told. The younger son who decides he is better off leaving home and going out on his own. This younger son asks his father for his portion of whatever he would get as an inheritance. Then after he gets it, he leaves to live life recklessly. There is a famine which caused great difficulty and this son spent all he had. He had nothing and decided he was better off going home and becoming a servant to his father. As he approaches home, his father runs to him and greets him and welcomes him back home. He celebrates his son’s return and the older brother becomes upset and appears quite jealous about the whole situation. The father tries to reason with his eldest son but this does not work. The eldest son is seen rejecting the youngest son who is at this father’s celebration. This is how the parable ends. There are three main people here to examine.

The first person here is the father. He has wealth. He has two sons that we are told about. This father does not hold back from his sons. He gives to them what is asked. It appears as if he gives them anything they want. I do not believe this is completely true though. I believe the intent of the parable is that the father is God. Jesus is teaching this from the point that God gives to us very liberally. He gives us a lot of grace and gives us a lot of talents and skills. He provides us with life but also with free will. He allows us to make decisions for ourselves. There is a limit to these things though. I do believe God wants us to live according to His ways. Because we are apart from Him, Jesus died as the sacrifice so we can be reconciled back to Him. We return to God through Jesus Christ. The fact that He allows us to find our way through life while constantly reaching out to us is a sign of divine Grace and Mercy. We are literally placed in a world where we have to come to terms with God. Either we deny him or accept him. We are allowed to do what we like with our free will. This is what I see the father giving in the parable. This father was willing to let his son figure it out because he knew what was right. You can stand with integrity as a parent when you have taught your children to live a Christian life. As a parent if you have lived a Christian life to the best of your ability in front of them, you have given them the best life lessons. If you have taught them The Gospel and invited them to live this way, you have done well. Most importantly, if you have lived this Christian life by faith you have done it correctly. It is one thing to teach and obey. It brings life when you do it because your faith is totally in Jesus Christ. When you have done this you place your children up to make their own decisions on how they will live. If a child decides to live contrary, it is not because you did something wrong. Likely, it is because they are human and we all each individually will answer to God one day. It is a struggle to let go of a child who wants to do things opposing but you can still pray for them and most importantly love them and pull for them in life. They need that support to and it may be that unconditional love that brings them back. In this Scripture the father runs to greet his son who is still far off. This implies the father was searching close to home anticipating the son’s return. In this culture a man running to a lower ranked person was considered weak and undignified. We see a father who is willing to overlook his appearance for a restored relationship with his loved son. There is a lot here we can learn as parents.

The older son seems to have it all together. He is seen in the field working. This son appears to do things to please his father. He is obedient apparently. This son does not ask for anything. What we see at the end of this parable speaks about this son’s heart. He gets really upset that his younger brother came back after disrespecting their father. Maybe he felt it disrespected the family honor. More important was that he was upset that there was a party going for him. The older brother may not even have been upset about his brother being home. Maybe it was the great attention and love shown to him after he messed up. No matter what caused it, we see the older brother is offended. He is upset with the father. It is important that no matter what God does in the lives of others, we should not judge that from our hearts. We may think they did something really wrong and should be held accountable. We may know that someone did great harm to themselves or other people. However, if they return to Jesus Christ, they can be forgiven. If we are like the older son we would look like this: A Christian person living in faith and doing the best we can to please Jesus. If we are like this as a saved follower of Christ then we are forgiven of our sins. We can celebrate that everyday. We have a father who is willing to allow us to celebrate and celebrates with us. Our problem is when someone who has hurt us comes to God for themselves. It is easy to hold a grudge. It is easy to be unforgiving. Our flesh wants payback when we have been hurt by someone. It is easy to give advice. Easy to tell a friend that they should forgive a cheating spouse or forgive an abusive person when they were hurt. It is easy until this happens to you. Then it is your turn to forgive. This is harder because now it affects you personally, not someone else. What if they ask for forgiveness and then ask God when they repent for doing something wrong? Can you then forgive them? You must! It is difficult for some of us to forgive, sure! BUT YOU MUST FORGIVE! This older son was not willing to forgive or accept that his father had a love based on WHO his sons were, NOT WHAT they did! I have tried my very best as a father to express how I love my children for who they are as people. As individuals they are so important to me. What they do or don’t do is important but not essential to be my love for them. This son, this older brother clearly missed out of understanding the love that the father had for him. He doesn’t understand it so much so that when the younger son is restored, he cannot comprehend what is happening. Let us not be like this. There is freedom letting God be the judge of mercy and consequences. It is a damning place to assume the mercy/judgement seat of God and sit there.

The last person to view here is the young son. I want to view him from a standpoint not often mentioned. The prodigal standpoint. If you know this scripture your first thought is: “I have heard this before. The prodigal. He was ran away. He came back. Nothing new.” Well, hold on because I don’t hear this brought up much and want to share it. Maybe you’ll hear something that will help you out. The term “prodigal son” is often looked at as “wayward son.” Meaning he is disobedient or rebellious. This is a person who is not close to God and doesn’t want to be. This is not an incorrect implication of the scripture. The problem is the word prodigal doesn’t mean this at all. Those are contextual thoughts based on his behavior. The fact is the son had a spending problem. Prodigal means: Having or spending recklessly or lavishly. This is the adjective or description of prodigal. The noun (person who is prodigal) means: A person who spends recklessly or lavishly. This prodigal son had an issue with wasting what he had. It was a character issue. A heart issue for this son. He just couldn’t be satisfied or content. Notice this, the father tells the older son that he had anything his father owned to his disposal at any time. So this implies the younger son did too! We tend to think he took his inheritance and ran off because he didn’t have anything. Wrong thinking. He was already entitled to anything he wanted. He simply needed to ask the father. This is proven because he asks his father for his inheritance and got it! What can we learn? That we all have a spending problem. We want to take what is considered a precious resource and spend it recklessly. God gave us life. He gave us time to use and spend life how we choose to! We have free will and a brain. We are given opportunity. Some in life are granted a lot more and some much less. However, in God’s hands, we can spend our lives in incredible ways! The problem? We all come with a built it spending problem. We want to be pleased. We search for what makes us feel good or entertain us. We desire to make ourselves pleased and don’t want to wait for satisfaction. One day, we end up feeling lost, broken, empty, or mentally down. When we have spent all we could and enjoyed as much pleasure as possible, there comes a day we ask: “What is the point?” Solomon asked this question in Ecclesiates. Well, when we trust in God’s will, His word, and come back to Him, we find worth. We find purpose and fulfillment spiritually. See this father gave his son all of the spiritual relationship he wanted. The son still had a spending problem in his heart. He didn’t understand that spending life on yourself constantly will never fulfill you. It took him spending all to see that he couldn’t actually get what he was offered at home. This is when he comes back. He doesn’t even return with the intent on being a son. He says I will work for my fathers approval. The father, in true love, doesn’t say: “Earn my love.” He just offers it. The son saw that the servants were hired and taken care of because they worked for it. They were well cared for I bet. But a son would not have to work to get anything. It was just his. This is how God sees us as His in Christ. We cannot earn a spot in line for favor. We just get favor. The only thing to do? Return to The Father. The spending problem is a heart issue. This is why Jesus forgives the porn addict, the drug addict, the judgmental person, the proud, the murder, even those who do detestable things. He forgives all who come to him with a whole heart to repent. This is because these sins are all spending problems. We lavishly try to please ourselves. The way it manifests is different from one person to another. Many factors cause one person to desire one thing that another would be repulsed by. Often we judge others actions because what they do sinfully does not appeal to us. So we say: “I would never do that!” This may be so but the real question should be: “What is it I am doing sinfully?” or “What did I do in my past in sin?” If we focus on our spending issues, we will less likely want to judge others for theirs. In God’s eyes, we are all wrong. The beautiful thing of it all is that Jesus forgives us and restores us. We don’t have to go back as a hired servant who has to earn our way back to please God. He fills us with His Spirit (or refills us) when we sincerely and whole heartedly return to Him. When we are full of The Spirit, we find peace with God and contentment in our soul. We begin to spend wisely. Over time, we begin to spend life the way God intends. This is called spiritual growth.

We are all three of these people in our lifetimes. Most of us will live to be in all of these positions. Even if you are not a parent. You will likely be in a relationship where you give and teach someone who is under your influence. You will likely be a peer to someone who is more reckless than you. You will likely be more reckless than someone else in your life who is on a friendship level with you. A big lesson to learn here is: What response pleases God? Depending of what “person” in the parable you happen to be will determine what response is best. Relationships tend to be messy and require a lot to be successful. Forgiveness is a big part of them. True spiritual contentment is found in Jesus Christ. He alone grants us eternal life and in Him we find all that we need or want. Let’s find our way home and celebrate with our friends and family!

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What is failure?

Proverbs 24:15-16

15 Lie not in wait as a wicked man against the dwelling of the righteous;
    do no violence to his home;
 16 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
    but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.

Proverbs 16: 1-2 & 9

1 The plans of the heart belong to man,
    but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
    but the Lord weighs the spirit.[a]

9 The heart of man plans his way,
    but the Lord establishes his steps.

Merriam Webster’s defines failure as: Omission of occurrence or performance. A state of inability to perform a normal function. A lack of success.

These three definitions really help clarify what failure is to us humans. Often we use the word failure but do not consider what we are saying about a person or situation. The scriptures above will give some structure to this also. From a Christian standpoint, failure is viewed differently than what we probably think. We don’t think like God thinks. We don’t consider the big picture nor can we see it without God giving us the ability to see from His perspective.

I talk to so many people who are very hard on themselves. I used to be a perfectionist and was quite hard on myself. It can still be a struggle from time to time. Today’s society seems to be so critical of everyone around them. We know more or know better than “that guy who…(insert something/someone you are judging). “If I were them I would…” is a common saying for this age. Here is the problem, you are not that person and you are likely not in that situation -Especially when it comes to celebrities. Many of them were from poor or dysfunctional backgrounds. It is easy to make mistakes and be noticed for them when you are constantly being put in the public eye. The main point is many people struggle with their self image and with how they perceive what others think of them. Then the same issue is true for the opinionated people. They struggle to live up to some expectation and end up judging the rest of the world due to their poor value system. This is all too toxic! It comes down to one thing:

Failure

When we fail, we often see it as final. A permanent issue that is not changeable. Then we run from it or fight to deny it. What we are doing is trying to ignore it happened or erased the fact that it did. Then justify why we cannot change it from within ourselves. I am only speaking to a small portion of this topic but it is because I want to address how we are often dysfunctional in our approach to failure and our understanding of what failure is supposed to be in our lives. We end up living up to fake expectations, put on masks for others, and end up empty and hollow inside. The outside can look good but we are beat down by our toxic way we handle failure. Understanding failure and how to handle it is what determines your success and quite possibly your salvation.

I used to follow sports heavily. My absolute favorite sport to watch used to be college basketball. Growing up watching the 90’s teams play for a title was how I spent my evenings in a snowy cold upstate NY as a teen. One of my best friends was a Georgetown fan and I was a Syracuse fan. This brought a lot of trash talking and some fighting. What is amazing is how teams would compete yearly and once in a while your team would knock off that Duke team or North Carolina or Kentucky team who was really good. I looked up the statistics for all time winning percentage of head coaches in college basketball. The ten best coaches in history are between 78%-84%. This means they failed to win 16%-22% of their games. Losing every 5 or 6 nights means they lost once a week every season! I am talking about the great coaches like Al McGuire, Adolph Rupp, John Wooden, and in todays game Mark Few (the winningest coach of all time by %). These are men of men when it comes to the sport and they did not have a perfect record. I can almost guarantee that in their mind set, while they set to win every night, there is something in them that allows for reset and a “let’s go” mentality. You cannot win the next game when you are focused on the last loss. Similarly, you cannot move on in life when you are focused on the last mistake you made to the point you won’t let go of it. You cannot move on in life when you are blaming everyone else who affected your life as to why you cannot prosper. I can assure you that these coaches may have been tough on players. However, like God, they were doing it to mine out the best and teach them how to play to their best potential. To make the potential become the actual. The moments they were easy on them was relational to show them they are appreciated for who they were not the achievements or lack thereof. Failure was in the process but it didn’t define these coaches or teams. The statistics do prove they failed at times though. Interesting how we view this one subject. Here is the take away: Accept responsibility and then make adjustments. This is how champions are made.

I heard this in some music a couple years ago. Falling is learning to stand. This is the key to failure! When we fail it is a lack of success, poor response, or inactivity. Maybe you failed on purpose. Maybe it was ignorance. So many reasons can cause us to fail. Often we lack the ability to understand why things happen or what we should do when something happens. This is why faith is so important. This is why Jesus Christ is our only answer as Christians. God’s wisdom created the Earth and all things in it. He is the Maker. His manufacturer’s instructions is The Bible. The answers in how to live and respond in life are included here. The grace of God is that we can fail and get up and try again! It is a matter of the heart. IF you intend to do evil and harm, you will be judged for it unless you repent and truly honestly seek God for forgiveness and follow His ways. You may also have consequences of those things even if reconciled to God. IF you fail but are trying to live the best you can, God makes room to let you work things out. We still need to repent and seek God when we sin, we just have a posture of heart that is not set on evil and harm. There are often consequences here also but God is merciful with those who are truly following Him. As for the daily perfectionist. Let’s look at this from the practical. Failure is something we can learn from. We generally see our failure and want to run. But the best thing we can do is look at it without obsessing and pray over it. Ask God: “What can I learn from this?” Was this something I could’ve done differently? Was this something that I had no control over and it would have happened anyway? When I look at some of my largest failures in life, they are in relationships. I have come to learn from them instead of run and repeat them. I am uprooting thoughts and behaviors that do not glorify God or keep me close to those who love me and I love them. Forgiveness allows me to move on from me or from an offender. Asking what I can learn helps me to not repeat things I shouldn’t. Letting go doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or wasn’t negative. It means I had not figured out how to do something positively. I have not figured out how to glorify God with a proper response to something in life. I have not figured out how to love others as Jesus loves me. Failure is an opportunity to make things right. It is not always a death sentence like we imagine it is! The posture of your heart determines this.

Falling is learning to stand. This statement has helped me a lot. If I could stand up when I was 6 months old I would have! I had to build up to it and learn to walk. By 12 months old I was running on two feet. The key was not viewing failure as falling. Failure was quitting! This is how a Christian life is. We have to learn to stand in areas we cannot. It takes The Holy Ghost to do this! HE makes us strong. BUT you have to be weak for God to make you strong. So failure is just something you and I have to accept. Not become complacent but accept rather than shun as a toxic response. A lack of success if failure. Therefore, since I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I just haven’t succeeded yet. Since Jesus said He will never leave or forsake me, I have strength available at all times. I haven’t figured out how to live life in every area as a fully mature Christian BUT I am learning to! My only failure that is permanent is quitting. True failure is walking away and giving up. It is straight death to the Christian. All other failure can teach us to stand up and live right. To be bold in spirit and love unconditionally. To be who Christ has called us to be while giving to others and not running out!

The above scriptures are such a help. First is that a righteous person gets up when they have fallen. The scripture doesn’t say it was the righteous person’s fault or another’s. However, verse 15 indicated he is knocked down by wickedness. So when you crack under pressure or expectations of others, remember that the righteous get up! Get up! Take your issue(s) to God. Search His word for the way to get up! Dig in and follow The Lord’s ways. He will lead you in paths of righteousness and in due time you will rise! It is a promise from God! Prosperity is not a material thing! It is a spiritual thing. You can prosper and have peace with God even with failures in life. It is how you work through them. The second verse affirms this. We make our plans to do things in life. God establishes or cements our steps. What I have come to learn is “perfection” on Earth as a Christian means wholly and totally following Jesus Christ the best I can. Truthfully openly living with God daily. Not hiding from Him or trying to impress other people. When I make a mistake I ask for forgiveness. I don’t hide. Then I pray to learn from it. If its a repeated thing, I really pray and study the word and look for help. Success comes at some point. In my life as a Christian, God has never failed me in this area. I am far from perfect but the flaws He has uprooted in me have come from this attitude and approach to follow Jesus. He promises that he will never leave or forsake us. He is always with us. We can boldly come to prayer and be heard. We are given a promise of abundant life. So why do many live below God’s promises? I truly believe it is because failure is viewed as final rather than a segment. If failure were grammatical, it would be a statement. Sadly, we often view it as the period! Time to change our view and approach to this subject! Learn to stand, don’t accept defeat! Get up and learn to move on friend!

To those who struggle to let go of shame, it is not the period on your life sentence if you are ready to give it to God! Your mistake was a sentence in the paragraph of life. That is all. To those who struggle to forgive and see failure in everyone else, put it into the hands of Jesus completely and watch the judgement, resentment, bitterness, and personal guilt leave! Letting go of offense means letting go of failures. Letting go means you can grab righteousness instead of someone’s failures. To those who are perfectionists, look at failure as a need to adjust approach for God’s intended outcome. No more blame game! If you struggle within relationships, seek godly counsel and God’s word (first). Pray and look for God to give you strength to stand up the right way. Learn to live in a godly way with people and view failures as learning to do life correctly. Some people need to be distanced, others brought closer. Have God help you here. It is truly odd how we will view failure as final when it doesn’t have to be the period on your life story. It may be a sentence. That sentence can be followed up with “then he/she rose up.”