What do you do when you feel like giving up

I was a runner in middle school and high school. I ran cross country and track but cross country was my focus. I remember how hard some days were to practice. Other days were easier to practice. It was as if I could simply will myself to do whatever I wanted. The hard days were opposite. I would have to fight for each foot step forward. It was like my feet were covered in concrete -very heavy. Those days it was simple though it was as if I was lighter than air. Although I wasn’t the best runner on our team, I was a scoring running and we were in contention for sectional champs every year I was in high school. It took commitment and determination to be on the team and to improve performance each year.

I remember my coach and my friends pushing me to be better and step up on some days. On days we would train on hills, we would sprint 50-100 yards up a very very steep hill. We would sprint up and jog down and repeat. Then lengthen out the sprints. It was the hardest training but was what made us so much stronger. One day I took it easy and remember my best friend looking at me and calling me out. He challenged me to keep up with him. Looking back he even slowed down some to pace me and challenge me to pass him. Although he was a better runner, he knew I needed encouragement to improve and challenge him. I remember my coach yelling to us to keep form, breathe, drive into the hill as we struggled up it while exhausted. He was helping us mentally focus. This way once in a race, it was automatic to overcome the hills. It was our coach and team pushing each other to be better that got us to the state meet championship one of our years. We became a legitimately good team from a commitment to be the best we could be.

Fast forward years later, I was a new Christian convert at 30 years old. The problem was that due to consequences, I was also divorced and having so much trouble transitioning in this really broken season of life. Everything around me seemed to be unstable and disintegrating daily. In my spiritual life, everything was vibrant and growing; flourishing in fact. Each day was new. I literally woke up to each day being different than the last and it was unpredictable. I was learning to truly live by faith because I was not sure what the end of a week would even look like. The only peace was when I had my children with me or when I was in prayer or reading the Bible. There was comfort from church and being with believers but that wasn’t every day or all of the time. I felt like I was running uphill each hour that passed. The further I pushed the steeper the climb. The further I pushed the more fatigue I experienced. For each time a friend would pray for me, it was like my friend pulling for me to keep up with him. For each moment I read the Bible and found these great people of God understood suffering, it was as if God was coaching me to stay in form and lean in. Life was extremely difficult but there seemed to be “a team” atmosphere to being part of The Church.

There was also a purpose to church. The purpose was to be redeemed back to Jesus Christ. Not to be lost in sin and end up in hell. This is the basic fact that we are alienated from God due to sin. It is through Jesus Christ alone we are saved and redeemed in the Spirit. That does not negate the evil or negative experiences of life on Earth. Saved or unsaved, we all experience the affects of evil and sin in the human experience. I was quickly finding out that consequences of bad choices do not always dry up once you become a Christian either. The good part is that God takes all of our negative experiences and suffering and uses them for a greater purpose -for us humans to know God more clearer and understand Him better until we meet Him face to face. Suffering isn’t pleasurable. It is necessary and can bring benefit if we do not get offended over them. This is another subject and post but forgiveness is paramount in Christianity. It is how we do not get and stay offended. We stay open to God.

One day I was driving home from work. I can still take you to the very stretch of highway from this memory. The weather was gloomy, rainy and cold. It was the afternoon. I had just received some bad news. Another set back in my disintegrated former life. I was so down and defeated I was crying while driving. It was an ugly cry too. Not the kind you want while driving. I was praying and begging God to relieve this suffering. It was too heavy and I just wanted to quit. I wanted to keep my life with Jesus but let go of my responsibilities. INCLUDING my role as a father. It just seemed to heavy at this point and maybe my children were better off without me like some were telling me. Many men have done such because of the weight. I understand the struggle of a single/divorced father. I do not judge the absent father as if he should be condemned. If you walked in his shoes (or mine) you would understand. If you haven’t I beg you to show mercy and reserve you judgment without cause. It is the hardest place in life to be. Stripped of your rights but obligated to provide on some one else’s terms. I commend the men who stay in the fight but be slow to judge those who don’t. The weight of this load is the same for all who carry it. Very few men are evil enough to simply abandon their children without remorse. As for me, in that day of ultimate weakness, I was asking God to let me out of this. It was the hardest hill I had every climbed to this point.

When I was ready to tell God what I was going to do, a small pickup truck pulled up next to me in the other lane and kept pace with me. I tried to ignore him for a moment while I was crying and praying. But he was persistent and was honking his horn at me. He would slow up and then speed up and was doing his best to get my attention. Finally when I looked over, I saw a hispanic man with the biggest smile on his face wave at me. I was taken. This did not fit the moment I was in and it took me from my little bubble of defeat. After he knew he had my attention he grabbed his Bible which had a big cross on the front and pressed it against his side window. Then with the other hand he pointed to it and nodded his head up and down with that big smile. As he put his Bible down, he gave me an emphatic thumbs up and smiled again. Then he drove off quickly passing me. I knew instantly in my heart what just happened. This was God’s direct message to me from a complete stranger telling me: “Keep pushing! Keep fighting to care for your children. Do not give up even though it is hard and hurts. You CAN make it!” God does truly do mysterious things to gain our attention! How much does God love us that He would speak to us by using others to communicate? This wasn’t a coincidence. It had never happened before to me nor has since. My faith was encouraged that day and I refused to give up being a dad and refused to walk away from my responsibilities. Yes, it was difficult with suffering involved. God has a plan though and my role was to follow Him.

Just like running, I had people pushing me. I had God “coaching” me with a greater destination in mind. Often when we think we are too tired to finish or keep pace, we have more in the tank. Spiritually, we have an unending supply of power. If you are filled with The Holy Ghost, you cannot be harmed too much. You cannot be beaten down too far. You may buckle at times. You may not be able to effortlessly live life. You are however given a way out, the power to get up in due season, and to boldly step into the place God is calling you to go. This is in spite of the conditions, consequences, or enemies in your life. The Bible says we must endure to the end to be saved in Matthew 24:13. This isn’t a threat of failure. It is a promise that you can make it. It is also a promise that if you make it you will be saved. It is a guarantee from God. If we endure to the end indicates there is an end to your suffering. Either in season or life, you shall see an end to it! That gives me comfort to follow Jesus another day even the heavy days where I feel like concrete and don’t know how to move forward. The Lord told us in John 14:26 He will send The Comforter, The Holy Spirit to us. We will have redemption from sin and the comfort of God to overcome all evil and suffering. Matthew 28:20 Jesus tells the disciples that He is with us until the end of the world. We are not alone. Although it may feel like it, once we are in Christ, we are never alone.

Jesus said he would be with us and in the midst of two or three of us who are together in His name. The beautiful thing is we also have each other. No, not everyone understands your suffering. However, you are not alone because some else on Earth has experienced what you have by and large. If you are a single/divorced parent, I relate. If you have lost a child, someone else has too. If you lost your job, your house someone else has too. Maybe you are suffering from mental illness. Many do silently. You are not alone. I can relate to this also. The key is coming to Christ. To be free from sin so we can be redeemed and become children of God. In turn, we also have God always with us, and when we are bold and look for help, we find other Christians who we can lean on. Do not give up. Do not stop following Jesus. Yes, there are moments we feel isolated or alone. Yes, there is suffering. There is also an end to all of this at some point. I currently am thankful that I stayed faithful to God and his leading in my life back then. I am thankful for divine intervention. I am thankful for Christian friends who encouraged me on the journey. There is a day we will see God face to face and have total peace. There is a day our friends and family will experience it with us if we all surrender to Jesus Christ. It will all be worth it. That year we made it to the state championship was special. It was worth the sacrifice and dedication. Those summer practices months prior paid off. The hills were worth it. How much more is it worth while in the spiritual? The days we suffer and still choose to praise God for His goodness in spite of pain? The days we look beyond our pain to see the comfort of another we sacrifice for? The days we see Jesus looked beyond pain and rejection to see the salvation and comfort of us? If I could pay forward what this man did for me that day on my ride home, it would be this: Get as close to Jesus as you can. Expose all of your heart to Him and trust him. When you suffer, pray a lot. Be very honest in prayer but instead of getting offended, keep your heart open to God. Even if you cannot seem to move forward in this moment, stand and let God help you. Ask Him for friends to be sent into your life to help encourage you (not live your life). Trust that one day this will be over and you will have relief. One day it will all be over and we will see Jesus Christ face to face and it will be something we cannot even understand! It will be worth it all. It is ok to cry to be weak and to know you are not the only one. Someone else has experienced this too and if you don’t know them, Jesus himself had suffered all for us. Just hold on and do not give up! It may seem like all you can do is say “yes” to Jesus on some days. If that’s all you have that’s good enough for today. In the end, we win. As Paul the Apostle said, run the race of life to win. That winning will be in The Spirit where it’s everlasting.