What is failure?

Proverbs 24:15-16

15 Lie not in wait as a wicked man against the dwelling of the righteous;
    do no violence to his home;
 16 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
    but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.

Proverbs 16: 1-2 & 9

1 The plans of the heart belong to man,
    but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
² All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
    but the Lord weighs the spirit.^[a]

⁹ The heart of man plans his way,
    but the Lord establishes his steps.

Merriam Webster’s defines failure as: Omission of occurrence or performance. A state of inability to perform a normal function. A lack of success.

These three definitions really help clarify what failure is to us humans. Often we use the word failure but do not consider what we are saying about a person or situation. The scriptures above will give some structure to this also. From a Christian standpoint, failure is viewed differently than what we probably think. We don’t think like God thinks. We don’t consider the big picture nor can we see it without God giving us the ability to see from His perspective.

I talk to so many people who are very hard on themselves. I used to be a perfectionist and was quite hard on myself. It can still be a struggle from time to time. Today’s society seems to be so critical of everyone around them. We know more or know better than “that guy who…(insert something/someone you are judging). “If I were them I would…” is a common saying for this age. Here is the problem, you are not that person and you are likely not in that situation -Especially when it comes to celebrities. Many of them were from poor or dysfunctional backgrounds. It is easy to make mistakes and be noticed for them when you are constantly being put in the public eye. The main point is many people struggle with their self image and with how they perceive what others think of them. Then the same issue is true for the opinionated people. They struggle to live up to some expectation and end up judging the rest of the world due to their poor value system. This is all too toxic! It comes down to one thing:

Failure

When we fail, we often see it as final. A permanent issue that is not changeable. Then we run from it or fight to deny it. What we are doing is trying to ignore it happened or erased the fact that it did. Then justify why we cannot change it from within ourselves. I am only speaking to a small portion of this topic but it is because I want to address how we are often dysfunctional in our approach to failure and our understanding of what failure is supposed to be in our lives. We end up living up to fake expectations, put on masks for others, and end up empty and hollow inside. The outside can look good but we are beat down by our toxic way we handle failure. Understanding failure and how to handle it is what determines your success and quite possibly your salvation.

I used to follow sports heavily. My absolute favorite sport to watch used to be college basketball. Growing up watching the 90’s teams play for a title was how I spent my evenings in a snowy cold upstate NY as a teen. One of my best friends was a Georgetown fan and I was a Syracuse fan. This brought a lot of trash talking and some fighting. What is amazing is how teams would compete yearly and once in a while your team would knock off that Duke team or North Carolina or Kentucky team who was really good. I looked up the statistics for all time winning percentage of head coaches in college basketball. The ten best coaches in history are between 78%-84%. This means they failed to win 16%-22% of their games. Losing every 5 or 6 nights means they lost once a week every season! I am talking about the great coaches like Al McGuire, Adolph Rupp, John Wooden, and in todays game Mark Few (the winningest coach of all time by %). These are men of men when it comes to the sport and they did not have a perfect record. I can almost guarantee that in their mind set, while they set to win every night, there is something in them that allows for reset and a “let’s go” mentality. You cannot win the next game when you are focused on the last loss. Similarly, you cannot move on in life when you are focused on the last mistake you made to the point you won’t let go of it. You cannot move on in life when you are blaming everyone else who affected your life as to why you cannot prosper. I can assure you that these coaches may have been tough on players. However, like God, they were doing it to mine out the best and teach them how to play to their best potential. To make the potential become the actual. The moments they were easy on them was relational to show them they are appreciated for who they were not the achievements or lack thereof. Failure was in the process but it didn’t define these coaches or teams. The statistics do prove they failed at times though. Interesting how we view this one subject. Here is the take away: Accept responsibility and then make adjustments. This is how champions are made.

I heard this in some music a couple years ago. Falling is learning to stand. This is the key to failure! When we fail it is a lack of success, poor response, or inactivity. Maybe you failed on purpose. Maybe it was ignorance. So many reasons can cause us to fail. Often we lack the ability to understand why things happen or what we should do when something happens. This is why faith is so important. This is why Jesus Christ is our only answer as Christians. God’s wisdom created the Earth and all things in it. He is the Maker. His manufacturer’s instructions is The Bible. The answers in how to live and respond in life are included here. The grace of God is that we can fail and get up and try again! It is a matter of the heart. IF you intend to do evil and harm, you will be judged for it unless you repent and truly honestly seek God for forgiveness and follow His ways. You may also have consequences of those things even if reconciled to God. IF you fail but are trying to live the best you can, God makes room to let you work things out. We still need to repent and seek God when we sin, we just have a posture of heart that is not set on evil and harm. There are often consequences here also but God is merciful with those who are truly following Him. As for the daily perfectionist. Let’s look at this from the practical. Failure is something we can learn from. We generally see our failure and want to run. But the best thing we can do is look at it without obsessing and pray over it. Ask God: “What can I learn from this?” Was this something I could’ve done differently? Was this something that I had no control over and it would have happened anyway? When I look at some of my largest failures in life, they are in relationships. I have come to learn from them instead of run and repeat them. I am uprooting thoughts and behaviors that do not glorify God or keep me close to those who love me and I love them. Forgiveness allows me to move on from me or from an offender. Asking what I can learn helps me to not repeat things I shouldn’t. Letting go doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or wasn’t negative. It means I had not figured out how to do something positively. I have not figured out how to glorify God with a proper response to something in life. I have not figured out how to love others as Jesus loves me. Failure is an opportunity to make things right. It is not always a death sentence like we imagine it is! The posture of your heart determines this.

Falling is learning to stand. This statement has helped me a lot. If I could stand up when I was 6 months old I would have! I had to build up to it and learn to walk. By 12 months old I was running on two feet. The key was not viewing failure as falling. Failure was quitting! This is how a Christian life is. We have to learn to stand in areas we cannot. It takes The Holy Ghost to do this! HE makes us strong. BUT you have to be weak for God to make you strong. So failure is just something you and I have to accept. Not become complacent but accept rather than shun as a toxic response. A lack of success if failure. Therefore, since I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I just haven’t succeeded yet. Since Jesus said He will never leave or forsake me, I have strength available at all times. I haven’t figured out how to live life in every area as a fully mature Christian BUT I am learning to! My only failure that is permanent is quitting. True failure is walking away and giving up. It is straight death to the Christian. All other failure can teach us to stand up and live right. To be bold in spirit and love unconditionally. To be who Christ has called us to be while giving to others and not running out!

The above scriptures are such a help. First is that a righteous person gets up when they have fallen. The scripture doesn’t say it was the righteous person’s fault or another’s. However, verse 15 indicated he is knocked down by wickedness. So when you crack under pressure or expectations of others, remember that the righteous get up! Get up! Take your issue(s) to God. Search His word for the way to get up! Dig in and follow The Lord’s ways. He will lead you in paths of righteousness and in due time you will rise! It is a promise from God! Prosperity is not a material thing! It is a spiritual thing. You can prosper and have peace with God even with failures in life. It is how you work through them. The second verse affirms this. We make our plans to do things in life. God establishes or cements our steps. What I have come to learn is “perfection” on Earth as a Christian means wholly and totally following Jesus Christ the best I can. Truthfully openly living with God daily. Not hiding from Him or trying to impress other people. When I make a mistake I ask for forgiveness. I don’t hide. Then I pray to learn from it. If its a repeated thing, I really pray and study the word and look for help. Success comes at some point. In my life as a Christian, God has never failed me in this area. I am far from perfect but the flaws He has uprooted in me have come from this attitude and approach to follow Jesus. He promises that he will never leave or forsake us. He is always with us. We can boldly come to prayer and be heard. We are given a promise of abundant life. So why do many live below God’s promises? I truly believe it is because failure is viewed as final rather than a segment. If failure were grammatical, it would be a statement. Sadly, we often view it as the period! Time to change our view and approach to this subject! Learn to stand, don’t accept defeat! Get up and learn to move on friend!

To those who struggle to let go of shame, it is not the period on your life sentence if you are ready to give it to God! Your mistake was a sentence in the paragraph of life. That is all. To those who struggle to forgive and see failure in everyone else, put it into the hands of Jesus completely and watch the judgement, resentment, bitterness, and personal guilt leave! Letting go of offense means letting go of failures. Letting go means you can grab righteousness instead of someone’s failures. To those who are perfectionists, look at failure as a need to adjust approach for God’s intended outcome. No more blame game! If you struggle within relationships, seek godly counsel and God’s word (first). Pray and look for God to give you strength to stand up the right way. Learn to live in a godly way with people and view failures as learning to do life correctly. Some people need to be distanced, others brought closer. Have God help you here. It is truly odd how we will view failure as final when it doesn’t have to be the period on your life story. It may be a sentence. That sentence can be followed up with “then he/she rose up.”